Insomnia

If I could choose just one part of my health to be returned to me, I think I would choose the gift of sleep.

There is something about lying awake in the middle of the night, knowing everyone else is sleeping soundly that makes a person feel rather lonely.

Getting to sleep and staying asleep is a problem. Currently, I wake up every four or five hours when my pain meds run out or i just wake up randomly for no reason. Like now, I can’t take meds for another hour but here I am… awake after only two hours.

I try to time it so the meds will run out and I will wake about 2:30 AM, then I can still take drugs without having too much of a hangover in the morning. The problem is it can take an hour or more for the meds to kick in again. Sometimes I go back to sleep only to awaken at 4:30  or 5:00 AM and then, no more real sleep for me. I’ve tried about every sleep remedy, medical & natural. Most times something new will help for about 2 months and then it will stop working.

A good night’s rest makes such a difference in a person’s day. It’s incredibly frustrating to me to lie awake for hours when I know I have to teach in the morning.

It’s a little like this:

Let’s say you were able to sleep a few hours but had to wake up for more meds. You know you HAVE to sleep. You eye the clock and think, “Well if I could go to sleep RIGHT NOW, I could get four more good hours. So you squeeze your eyes shut and carefully close down all the open windows/tabs in your mind.

Thirty minutes later you look at the clock, “Ok, well I’ll be fine if I get three and a half hours.”

You doze off. When you awaken you’re disappointed to see that only an hour has passed.  You try to lie still and not move a muscle. You try counting sheep… (whoever came up with that anyway?)

An hour later you begin feeling desperate. “Even if I fall asleep right now I’ll only get an hour and a half! Ok, I hope the kids are in good moods today!”

You doze slightly for another thirty minutes and groan when you see the clock. It’s hardly worth trying to sleep anymore but even fifteen minutes would add to your scanty collection of unconscious moments. So you lie there with your eyes closed, not even daring to glance at your alarm clock because you don’t want to see the minutes ticking by.

And then that annoying ringing breaks the silence and a new day has begun. And you think, “Ok God, HOW am I gonna manage today?”

But you grit your teeth, put your mind to it and by the grace of God, you have a good day…

…and then the cycle repeats.

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Philippians 4:13